Instrumental or practical grievers are those who process grief through action, thinking, or problem solving rather than focusing directly on emotions. For them, grief might look like a quiet, internal journey where they prefer to focus on doing tasks, staying busy, or figuring out how to manage the practical aspects of life after a loss. It is important to recognize that this way of grieving is just as valid as other emotional expressions of grief.

While they may not always show or talk about their pain, instrumental / practical grievers are often deeply affected by their loss. Their way of coping might involve engaging in activities that bring them a sense of control or purpose during a difficult time. Offering gentle support means acknowledging their coping style without judgment, allowing them space to grieve in their own way, and gently checking in to see if they need assistance, whether it is help with practical matters or just a quiet presence.

Supporting an instrumental / practical griever often means being patient, understanding that they may need time before opening up emotionally. Encouraging them to express their feelings, in their own time and terms, can help, but it is essential to let them do so at their own pace. Grief can be a complex and unique experience, and there is no single "right" way through it.

Intuitive grievers often process loss in a deeply emotional and spontaneous way. Their journey through grief may feel more fluid and unpredictable, moving through waves of sadness, anger, or even confusion. This kind of grieving is as natural and valid as any type of grieving, as it allows space for deep emotional expression and connection to the loss. They may experience intense bursts of crying or feeling angry, followed by periods of calm stillness inside (and out). This rhythm can be a healing process in and of itself.

Supporting intuitive grievers means creating a safe environment for them to feel and express their emotions without judgment. It is important to offer a listening ear, without pushing for them to “get over it" or "move on," but rather to honor the fluidity of their grief. Encourage them to acknowledge their feelings, however they come and go and for however long they stay. It is integral for them to learn to discover comfort in their own way and is a key part of offering gentle support. Every step, no matter how it unfolds, is part of their unique path to healing.

Some individuals grieve in ways that may seem different or dissonant from others. It is important to approach the them as you would any grieving individual, with understanding, patience, and compassion. Grief is deeply personal, and it does not follow a singular, predictable path. Everyone copes in their own way and it is perfectly acceptable if an individual’s expression of grief does not align with conventional expectations.

Some grievers may not appear to be visibly upset and you may even find them laughing at a moment that feels inappropriate for some. These individuals may seem distant rather than openly tearful. These behaviors do not mean that the individual is unaffected or does not care, they may simply be processing their loss in a way that feels most comfortable or manageable for them.

The key is to acknowledge and honor their experience without judgment. Providing a space where they feel safe and supported, without the pressure to grieve “as expected” can be a powerful form of caring for them. Sometimes simply being present for their experience can go long way in allowing them to process their feelings.

In these moments, offering quiet companionship or listening without rushing to try and “fix” things can be more helpful than any advice. Remember, if you try to “fix someone”, it implies that they are broken when they are just grieving. Grief does not always make sense to others, but it is a journey that must unfold in its own time.