Rethinking "Closure"
Grief is often misunderstood, especially when it comes to the idea of closure. Many of us have been told that there will come a time when our grief will “end,” or that one day everything will feel complete and resolved. But grief rarely works that way. Healing from loss isn’t about tying everything up neatly or reaching a single moment where the pain disappears.
It’s only natural to long for closure. After loss, we want answers, understanding, and a sense of finality, something that helps us make sense of what feels senseless. Psychologists describe this as the “need for closure”: a desire for clear, firm answers to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. After losing someone dear, this need can feel especially strong. We want to know why, or how to move forward, or when the ache will end.
Yet grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It moves more like the tides, ebbing and flowing with time. Some days may feel softer, while others can take you right back to the sharpness of your loss. And that’s okay. Sometimes, letting yourself heal can even feel like a betrayal, as if loosening your grip on the pain means loosening your bond with the person you love. But grief is not a sign that love has ended. It’s evidence that it still lives within you.
You may notice that memories or emotions surface suddenly, perhaps in the most unexpected moments. That doesn’t mean you’re “back at the beginning” or that you haven’t healed. It’s simply a reminder that grief changes us, it becomes part of who we are. It’s not something that needs to be fixed or closed, but something we learn to live alongside.
Instead of striving for closure, you might try embracing the openness that remains. Think of it as an ongoing relationship with your grief and, in a way, with your loved one. Carrying your loss doesn’t mean you’re stuck or unable to move forward. It means your love continues, finding new ways to exist in your life.
Healing often looks less like “moving on” and more like learning to move with your grief. It’s about creating space for both sorrow and joy, for remembrance and renewal. There’s no timeline and no “right” way to grieve. Some days, healing might mean taking one small step forward, or simply getting through the day.
Be gentle with yourself. Allow each moment to be what it is. Grief may not have a clear end, but that’s not a sign of failure, it’s a reflection of love’s depth and endurance. When we stop searching for closure and instead make peace with the open space grief leaves behind, we begin to carry our memories with more tenderness, more understanding, and, over time, more love than pain.
